Venting or Processing? How to Tell the Difference
Somatic therapy can help you learn the skills to fully process your feelings
3 min read
Have you ever spent time on the phone with your parent or a close friend venting about a situation and felt even worse afterwards? You’re not alone. Venting and complaining are common ways people attempt to deal with their emotions. While these actions may provide temporary relief, they often do not lead to genuine emotional processing.
When we vent, we might feel a momentary sense of release, but we are often left with lingering feelings of anger, sadness, or anxiety. This is because venting doesn't address the underlying emotional causes; it merely focuses on the symptoms. Over time, this can lead to chronic stress and even physical health issues, as the body remains in a heightened state of arousal without truly resolving the core emotional issues that are hidden under the cycling thoughts and feelings.
Venting and complaining involve expressing dissatisfaction or frustration about a situation, often repeatedly. This can create a cycle where negative emotions are reinforced rather than resolved. As Dr. Ethan Kross, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, explains, "Repeatedly venting about a negative experience can actually intensify negative feelings rather than diminish them" (Kross, 2021).
Additionally, chronic venting and complaining are linked to various mental health challenges. Engaging in these behaviors can perpetuate a negative cognitive bias, where people begin to focus predominantly on the negative aspects of their experiences. This can contribute to the development or exacerbation of mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.
According to a study by Dr. Thomas Joiner, a professor of psychology at Florida State University, "Persistently complaining can lead to depressive rumination, which is strongly associated with the onset and maintenance of depressive episodes" (Joiner, 2017). Similarly, habitual venting can lead to heightened anxiety levels as individuals become more fixated on potential threats and stressors.
Emotional processing, on the other hand, involves acknowledging, understanding, and working through emotions in a way that leads to resolution and healing. This can be a more challenging and time-consuming process, but it is essential for mental and emotional well-being. As noted by Dr. Susan David, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, "Emotional agility, the ability to approach your inner experiences in a mindful, values-driven, and productive way, is key to resilience and thriving" (David, 2016).
One problem is that most people were never actually taught how to do this. As children, if caregivers aren’t able to show you how to slow down and understand what you’re actually feeling – or are often venting or complaining themselves – it’s not a skill that is easily developed, especially when venting about something can serve as a form of bonding or an accessible way to get attention and connection with friends and family.
Somatic therapy offers a gentle yet powerful approach to learning the skills to emotionally process and resolve the things that are bothering you by focusing on the connection between the body and mind. Unlike traditional talk therapy, which primarily deals with cognitive and verbal aspects of emotion, somatic therapy emphasizes bodily sensations and physical experiences as pathways to emotional healing. This is often the missing link if you feel like you’re not really moving on or healing from something distressing you keep revisiting over and over again - even though your mind can express many thoughts, you may be missing some key emotional information that a somatic therapist can help you access by bringing you closer to what your body is feeling while you are venting about something.
“I often am very directive to slow my clients down during our sessions so we can both notice together what is happening in their body – and many times, just this act of having someone slow you down and pay attention is enough to bring the true grief, anger, shame or sadness up to be processed to completion, and brings an actual lasting sense of relief that the client can sense in themselves,” says Nithyaa Venkataramani, a psychotherapist at Downtown Somatic Therapy specialized in EMDR and AEDP.
In somatic therapy, techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and body awareness exercises are used to help individuals become more attuned to their physical sensations and emotions. This increased body awareness allows individuals to release stored tension and trauma, facilitating a deeper level of emotional processing. By addressing the physical aspects of emotional experiences, somatic therapy can help individuals move beyond mere venting and complaining to achieve genuine emotional healing and growth.