Why Leaning into Negative Emotions is the Healthiest Thing We Can Do
Make peace with our negative or unpleasant emotions
4 min read
A growing body of research is confirming that people fare better in life when they learn to lean into all of their emotions, including those that may seem unpleasant, and make space for their full experience.
A recent New York Times article highlights something that many who have experienced somatic therapy can identify with – that connecting with our emotions, rather than judging or pushing them away, can lessen our suffering.
The article highlights recent research that suggests that people can actually cause themselves more suffering when they judge or try to suppress what they perceive as negative emotions or unpleasant feelings. For instance, a recent study found that people who judge negative feelings such as sadness, fear, or anger, as bad or inappropriate experience more depression and anxiety symptoms and feel less engaged with their lives than people who reserve judgment on their feelings.
Similarly, in a study that asked participants to put their hand in an ice water bath, those who tried to suppress their feelings reported more pain and couldn’t endure the ice water for as long as those who accepted their discomfort. David Charme, a therapist at Downtown Somatic Therapy notes, “so often people come into therapy having pushed down their emotions just so they can get by. An important part of the work is helping people to feel what they’ve avoided feeling.”
“So often people come into therapy having pushed down their emotions just so they can get by. An important part of the work is helping people to feel what they’ve avoided feeling.”
So why do people judge and avoid their feelings when it only causes more suffering? As many of those living in New York City can relate to, we live in a culture of productivity that rewards pushing through and moving forward, often at the expense of our internal emotional landscape and overall well-being. Additionally, tuning into challenging emotions requires a certain level of vulnerability, and for men in particular, that can be tough to do when cultural narratives equate emotional vulnerability with weakness.
On another level, suppressing and avoiding emotions might serve as a useful coping strategy that can develop early on in life when it doesn’t feel safe to feel what we’re feeling with those who are closest to us. As Downtown Somatic Therapy therapist David Charme notes, “there are so many life experiences early on that can leave us feeling like it’s too much or unsafe to feel what we’re feeling. Take anger for example. For someone who’s grown up with a rageful parent, when the adult in us gets angry, a younger part of us may not feel safe around that anger and shut it down. Underneath the emotional avoidance lies the residue of trauma.”
“When the adult in us gets angry, a younger part of us may not feel safe around that anger and shut it down. Underneath the emotional avoidance lies the residue of trauma.”
So what’s the antidote to suffering from judging and suppressing our feelings? According to the article, it’s making peace with our emotions. One way to do this, per the article, is by approaching our feelings with curiosity and using our body as a laboratory to notice what’s there. Somatic therapy can help with this, as working directly with the body, sensations, and experience is at the heart of a somatic approach to therapy.
The article also points out that it can be helpful to recognize that no emotion is inherently bad or inappropriate. Somatic therapies such as AEDP align with this understanding, recognizing that emotions contain important information. As Downtown Somatic Therapy therapist David Charme notes “feelings that can get judged as negative are often signaling something important to us. For instance, anger can point us to an action we want to take or something we need to do to stand up for ourselves.”
“Feelings that can get judged as negative are often signaling something important to us.”
Therapies like AEDP recognize that making peace with and accessing the wisdom of our emotions doesn’t happen on our own. It requires working with someone we trust by our side who can help us undo the aloneness that often accompanies not being able to feel our emotions. As Downtown Somatic Therapy therapist David Charme notes, “undoing aloneness and healing relational trauma is such an important part of helping clients to be able to access their feelings and emotions.”
Finally, the article suggests that it can be helpful to remember that feelings won’t last forever. As Downtown Somatic Therapy therapist David Charme notes, “there can be a perception with experiencing emotions that once clients turn on the faucet, they won’t be able to turn it off. They’re often surprised to discover that when emotions are truly felt, they tend to be short-lived, kind of like a wave, cresting and breaking, and often giving way to something healing.”
“When emotions are truly felt, they tend to be short-lived, kind of like a wave, cresting and breaking, and often giving way to something healing.”
If you’re looking to make peace with your emotions, reach out to a therapist at Downtown Somatic Therapy to get started.