A Simple Guide to Befriending Emotions
How tuning into yourself can create space and freedom
3 min read
How often do you find yourself thinking “there’s not enough time in the day?” Do you speed through your day multitasking and trying to amplify productivity? For those of us living in New York City - ‘the city that never sleeps’ - this can feel especially familiar. There are costs, however, to only attending to our external world. Our hustle culture doesn’t leave enough energy to connect with our inner experience and emotions. Ironically, when we give ourselves the chance to slow down and tune into ourselves, we find that we are able to be more present and effective in our day-to-day.
Here are simple steps to pause and connect with your emotions so you can more fully show up for your life:
1. Ground: Create a safe space to tune into your present moment experience. Find a quiet environment and allow yourself to arrive there. Give yourself time for this practice - it may feel like you never have enough of it, but slowing down can allow us to more fully engage in our lives.
Christine Menna, LMSW and therapist at Downtown Somatic Therapy suggests: “Feel your body being supported by the earth. Witness your breath moving in and out of your body, noticing the pace and texture of each breath. Begin acquainting yourself with the sensations of your body.”
2. Acknowledge sensations: In order to work with our emotions, we need to first recognize what’s there. Our body is a great entrypoint for this exploration.
Scan your body from head to toe and toe to head. As you do, describe any sensations you notice. For instance, you might feel tingling in your arm, tension in your jaw, lightness in your hands or heaviness in your feet.
See if you can simply witness and name these sensations without trying to “fix” anything or attaching to the dialogue that your mind may add. This could sound like “My jaw feels clenched” vs. “My jaw is so tight. It’s because I’m late in submitting that assignment to my boss. Geez, I really better stop doing this exercise and get back to work.”
“In order to work with our emotions, we need to first recognize what’s there. Our body is a great entry point for this exploration.”
As you familiarize yourself with your body, it’s natural and expected that your mind will chime in. Christine suggests finding anchors to come back to: “The in and outflow of the breath is a good choice, as are any body parts that feel open, safe and light.” The goal is to bring yourself back to your body and to the present moment, observing this push and pull rather than getting sucked into it.
3. Become curious: Choose a sensation that’s calling out to you. For example, that tight jaw is pretty intense and uncomfortable. Begin breathing into it, describing it and noticing if and how the sensation changes.
As you investigate, see if you can name the emotion connected with the sensation. Another way you might consider this is “what message does this have for me?” Your jaw might be telling you you are angry and that there’s something you want to speak up about but that you’ve been holding back from.
4. Practice compassion: Stay with the emotion and notice what it’s like to tolerate it in your body. Consider a compassionate message that you’d like to give this part of yourself. You might say “this is okay” or “this belongs.” You can even consider putting a hand on this area in a gesture of kindness toward yourself.
If it feels difficult to practice compassion, think about a message you might give to a trusted friend or loved one. See if you can turn that same message toward yourself.
“We can begin to cultivate a kinder, more compassionate relationship with both our emotions and ourselves.”
As you begin to come out of this practice, check in again with the sensations of your body. Notice any shifts and changes that may have occurred. Give yourself time to slowly open your eyes if you have them closed and reacquaint yourself to the world around you.
Tuning into these sensations can feel scary at first, particularly if it’s not something we’re used to doing. As we familiarize and learn to tolerate our emotions, however, we can begin to cultivate a kinder, more compassionate relationship with both our emotions and ourselves.
Consider experimenting with this practice on a normal basis. Observe the ways that befriending your emotions impacts your day-to-day experiences and your ability to work with your emotions rather than feeling controlled by them.